He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize