He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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