When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
