I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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