i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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