I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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