He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
