i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
