I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
