wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
