Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
