she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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