shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
