and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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