i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
