Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
