I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
