How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize