i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize