New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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