Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize