I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
