If i come over, it means nothing
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
