So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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