Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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