If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
