i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
