apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
