doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
