At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
