Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
