So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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