Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
