oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
