i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
