I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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