Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
