Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
