there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
