Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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