I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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