Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
