he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
