I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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