I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
