I just saw a hot homeless man
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
