Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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