and my herpes radar will keep us safe
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
