I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize