the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
