Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
