There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
