I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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