Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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