i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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