Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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