i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
