end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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