quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
