I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
