butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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