Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
