hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
