I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
